If today had a point...

Au revoir

2009-09-23T04:44:00.000-07:00

I can’t deny it any longer; I'm just not able to keep up with this blog. I’ve loved it so much, but self reflection is just not a luxury I have time for anymore. Between work, school, remodeling our house, a time-intensive bible study, and the occasional amazing book, I can’t seem to find the minutes to create coherent thoughts. Instead they remain scattered throughout the day until I completely forget them all together.

But because I really do love blogging so much, I’m not going to shut this whole thing down. I’ll leave it up as a reminder of something I hope to get back to one day. And from time to time your RSS reader might just surprise you with an update from me.

Happy lives to you all!

2009-08-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sam and I just got back from an amazing trip to Colorado. We got to spend lots of time with family and friends, enjoying the beautiful weather and scenery. It was really hard to go home when home still feels like Colorado, but here we are back in Cleveland.

Highlights:

Getting stuck in Chicago for two days and making the best of it by seeing my sister

Mini vacation to Glenwood Springs

The scenery

The cousins

Favorite things not pictured: Seeing best friends, friends from work, bible study friends, and Sam's amazing family; meeting sister and brother-in-law's new dog; eating out roughly every other meal.

Back on the face of the earth

2009-07-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have been on a mission. A mission to purchase a house. After 70 grueling days, my mission is drawing to a close.

When I started out I couldn't have imagined how consuming this task would become. Who knew taking ownership of a house could still be so complicated in this modern era. Then again, maybe it's this modern era that has made it so complicated.

Anyway, we close on Friday and then my life shall recommence.

Just a quick post

2009-06-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of the lovely

little fixer-upper we're trying to buy...

And here's my mom's new hair growth...

Have a nice day.

Back on tract

2009-05-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

Great news - my mom's back home again. After several days of just hanging out in the hospital, her digestive tract decided to allow food to move through the shoot again. Though no one is certain about what exactly happened, it seems like the best guess is that her guts started adhering to other organs. We're not sure if this will happen again. Or whether other odd goings on are going on. But for now she'll stick with her baby-food like diet and Monday she'll be back at work again.

Who can say why these things happen. All I know for sure is that this Saturday evening all is well. We can't know what's in store. And for the first time in my tend-to-overplan life, I don't want to.

Wait and see

2009-05-28T04:23:00.000-07:00

My mom is still biding time at the hospital. No one is exactly sure why her body is behaving the way it is. So the plan for now is to just wait and see. The doctors hope that with time her intestines will just turn back on. I hope those intestines are aware of what is expected of them. I hope they got the memo. And I hope they're team players.

Is this thing still on?

2009-05-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

Well hello again. It's been a while, no? Life has been rather busy these days. I'm still working a lot, we've been enjoying the beautiful onset of summer, and we're trying to buy a house. I have lots of pictures to post but no time to do it at the moment.

Instead, I'm writing to introduce what feels like Part 2 of my mom's epic adventure. Since we last spoke, my mom has lost most of her fingernails as a result of the chemo treatments that ended quite a while ago. And yesterday, after suffering from rather severe abdominal pains, she was admitted to the hospital because of blockage in her intestine that was effectively shutting off her GI tract. At this point the doctors seem to think this may be a side effect of her surgery ... from seven months ago. I don't understand this at all yet, but I'll do some investigating and report back soon. Let's just hope those dark clouds forming on the horizon aren't the ominous type.

Cavs 105, Hawks 85

2009-05-08T05:36:00.000-07:00

Last night we caught a raucous playoff game between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Atlanta Hawks. I was a little nervous about the game not starting until 8:00 because I am notorious for not being able to stay up very late, but the game was exciting enough and the crowd wild enough that I didn’t pass out until we got on the train to go home.

The night’s highlights:
- Giant indoor flame throwing
- Usher dancing on the sidelines to “Never Gonna Give You Up”
- Free t-shirts
- No-look passing, reverse dunking, and alley-ooping
- A 40-foot buzzer beating shot
- Dippin' Dots ice cream

Basketball doesn’t get much better than this.

A Wright weekend

2009-05-04T05:37:00.000-07:00

A few years ago Sam and I decided to get caught up on some of the cinematic greats from before our time. We watched movies like Twelve Angry Men and Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Apocalypse Now. While some appealed to us a lot more than others, we generally found that most of them were hard to appreciate. Even highly acclaimed films like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest just left us more stunned than anything. We grew up with such a different cinematic experience that it was very hard to grasp what had been so revolutionary about these classics.

So when we went to see some of Frank Lloyd Wright’s architectural landmarks this weekend, I had was a little nervous that I would walk away feeling similarly disappointed by what has been hyped for decades. It was easy to imagine that what had been great in its time would no longer feel relevant, but fortunately I found this not to be the case at all.

First we went to see Kentuck Knob, a smaller residence built in the lush hills of Pennsylvania. It’s difficult to capture on camera because it’s got so much going on in so many places (plus we weren’t allowed to take pictures inside), but it was a beautiful and clever little house.

Wright was never formally trained in architecture which seems to have had two effects; first, he almost always underestimated how much steel was required to prevent nature from reclaiming his structures, and second, his ignorance of such facts allowed him to create uninhibitedly. Both of these effects are seen in the second house we visited, Fallingwater.

This house was such an amazing experience. One of the most stunning, yet destructive, features of this house is its relationship to the river. Millions of dollars have been spent to restore and reinforce what the water continues to break down.

There were so many interesting features like the low ceilings that fit the slightly shorter humans of the 1930's, the built-in furniture, and the rocks that moved from the outside of the house to the inside.

So fortunately this weekend turned out nothing like our movie experience. While the appeal of older films might be totally lost on us, I'm glad to say we thoroughly enjoyed our sampling of classic architecture.

Weekend recap

2009-04-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Like most humans, I’m so glad the weather is getting nicer. It really has been quite a while since I’ve seen the sun or really been inspired to be outdoors for any reason. But this weekend we got our money’s worth. First we visited some nice towns with pretty beaches and boats and blossoming trees along Lake Erie.

My sister came to visit and we went for a few long walks (and some short jogs) in the park. Then, along with many of our family members who live on the same street, we thatched FOUR yards. It was dirty hard work and it felt good.

We read on the back porch and tried to revive some dying plants and finally wrapped up the weekend, and Sam’s birthday festivities, with some bowling. And to think that this is just the beginning of summer!

Yay Summer

2009-04-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a pretty tree in a pretty little town on a pretty stretch of Lake Erie.

Happy Birthday, Sam!

2009-04-24T02:53:00.000-07:00

If you'd never been born, well then what would you be?

You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree!
You might be a doorknob! Or three baked potatoes!

You might be a bag full of hard green tomatoes.

Or worse than all that...Why, you might be a WASN'T!

A Wasn't has no fun at all. No, he doesn't.

A Wasn't just isn't. He just isn't present.

But you...You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!

-- Dr. Seuss, from Happy Birthday to You!

Circle of Life

2009-04-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

I had anticipated chronicling the long and fruitful life of our first attempts at growing vegetables. Unfortunately our little plants skipped straight to the dying phase of life.

Things started out smoothly enough. We watered our little soil pellets to ready them for seeds from tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, cilantro, and broccoli:

Then we gently embedded the plants to the specified depth:

Several days later we began to see hearty sprouts:

And then robust mini plants:

But then, freakishly, just a few days later the heads of the plants started falling off and plants were dying left and right:

Now all we have left is a tray of mostly dead seedlings. We're still watering them and giving them as much sunlight as possible in hopes of a miraculous revival. Obviously we have much to learn.

Looking back

2009-04-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

I’m still working lots of extra hours as you can probably tell by my few and far between posts. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have information to share.

My mom is officially finished with her five-month round of chemo treatments. Her latest blood tests show that the cancer is losing the battle. So what does that make her now? Cancer free? In remission? The Terminator?

Not quite. According to the medical world, she is still thought to have cancer. Even if she gets good marks on all of her tests a few months from now, it may only mean that the cancer cells are at rest. But labels are tricky; often times they avert our eyes from the true essence of a thing, giving us a wholly wrong impression of it.

So what might be a more fitting description of her now? Personally, every time I talk to my mom or hug her or even argue with her (which never happens, I swear) I just see Mom. And that feels so good. I know that she’s not losing herself in this battle. She’s still my mom. And my dad’s wife. And bighearted and funny and a lot of other things that cancer can’t take away.

The book isn’t closed on this journey yet, but I’d say this chapter was pretty encouraging.

April showers bring May flowers

2009-04-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

Up until this weekend, my mom has pretty much breezed through chemo. But a body can only gracefully tolerate poison for so long. This weekend the breeze died down, and well, she collapsed with a thud into the proverbial wall. She is achy and nauseous and in jeopardy of losing her finger nails. Plus she continues to suffer hot flashes and exhaustion.

The silver lining lies in the fact that she is very nearly done with chemo. This Thursday is her last scheduled treatment. As winter fades, her storm also should be quieting. And in its wake we hope to see sprouts on her head, strength in her body, and renewed hope in her life.

Not so much to report

2009-03-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

Just checking in to say all is well here. For those keeping tabs on my mom, she is doing great. Still hairless. Still tired. Still fuzzy brained. Still achy on occasion. And still fighting.

All in all life it cruising along swimmingly. Hope the same can be said for you.

Those lucky dogs

2009-03-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

One morning in January I tried starting our car but nothing happened. Just silence. I turned the key a few more times, but couldn’t get it going. Oddly, when Sam came out to diagnose the problem, the car started right up. We took the car in to have the battery checked and sure enough, it was about dead. So we bought a new battery and life was back to normal.

About a week later it happened again. I turned the key several times, but the car just sat lifeless. I went back in the house for a few minutes and then tried the whole thing over. Just like the week before, the car started up with no problem. Now I was confused. It couldn’t be the battery this time, could it? Maybe it had something to do with the sub-human (and sub-mechanical) winter temperatures. Was the car nearing the end of its long life?

It’s been a few months now and I still don’t have any answers because our car has been running fine ever since. I am, however, beginning to see the faint outlines of another theme taking shape in my life. I’m calling this one Appreciation.

We all know we take too much in our lives for granted. We forget how precious certain things are. Or we assume we will always have them available to us. Fortunately life has a way of reminding us how to appreciate what we have while it’s still ours to appreciate. Like the car. For the past few months, every time I turn the key in the ignition, I thank God when it starts up. Nope, no more taking the car for granted.

This theme has come up in a lot of other ways since (thus dubbing it a theme), but there’s just one more example I want to share for now.

I started reading a book called Unpolished Gem by Alice Pung. It’s a true story about a family that emigrated from Cambodia to Australia just after the Vietnam War. The family was destitute and desperate. They had been living under an oppressive regime and their spirits were nearly broken. Upon arriving in Australia, they experience a life they never could have fathomed. They behold a government that protects its citizens. They watch cars yield to pedestrians. And they discover food is cheap and abundant. Their first trip to the grocery store is a thing of wonder. They buy a few simple items including some canned meat and the daughter writes:

Back in our rented weatherboard house…my mother cuts the [meat] into little pieces and makes a nice stir-fry. "It smells so good," breathes my auntie as she spoons the meal onto a large plate. My mother cannot help but smile with pride. It is only later when my family sees the television commercial that they realize who - or more accurately, what - the meat is for. "Wah, who could believe that they feed this good meat to dogs? How lucky to be a dog in this country!"

So the goal is to try to remember to appreciate the goodness of life – people, health, circumstances, and an unpredictable car – while it's still ours to enjoy.

March Maple Madness

2009-03-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

This weekend we drove to an old, old little town to celebrate the maple syrup season by indulging in all-you-can-eat pancakes, topped with the town's finest.

All across the Midwest, trees are thawing and sap is flowing. The sap is collected by the bucketful and boiled down until all that remains is a sweet, concentrated, amber syrup.

I learned that it takes about 50 gallons of sap to produce 1 gallon of pure maple syrup. I guess that's why it goes for around $60/gal. Fortunately, I think we got our fill for a while. And now I'm officially ready for spring!

This story has a point: Part 3

2009-03-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

And it has an end. This is taking far longer than I anticipated.

ANYWAY, to wrap things up, I’ll summarize by saying that a few months after the failed career attempts, I ended up becoming employed by the library. I didn’t know what to expect, but I certainly wasn’t anticipating falling in love with it the way I did. And I discovered a lot of things about myself. For example, while memorizing lots of biological minutiae is not a strength of mine, it turns out working with people is. And though I probably would have made a lousy teacher, it turns out I make a pretty good librarian.

Looking back at college, I can see that there were things I was really good at, but because they weren’t the things I wanted to be good at, I overlooked them. And when I was trying to find work, I didn’t take into consideration what excited me. But once I recognized and decided to appreciate my strengths and not to sweat my weaknesses, I found my stride.

So finally, The Point: It’s been four years since I graduated from college and resolved that I would never return. But after a few course corrections, I’ve decided to try again. I’ve applied for and been accepted into a master’s of library science program and I’ll start in the fall. I think things will go much smoother this time around.

Seems like an awful lot of writing when I could have just said, “I’m going back to school,” huh? So why don’t I throw in A Moral, too? Here it is: Sometimes it’s only after we’ve strayed quite far from the path that we can recognize when we’ve finally found it again.

And just for good measure, I offer A Tip: From time to time, a little introspection does a body good.

The End.

This story has a point: Part 2

2009-03-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

Right after college I applied for a teacher licensing program and a college ministry position at the same time. Just like when I was choosing my major, I didn't stop to think whether either of these careers were really a good fit for me. I was just eager to be doing something.

After a few months of phone calls and research and testing and interviewing, I found out that neither job would be an option. To get licensed I needed to go back to school and I just couldn't stomach that at the time. To join the ministry, I needed to attend a mandatory week long training that was scheduled for the same time Sam and I were planning to go to Mexico to get married.

I really didn't take this well. Not at all. I felt like a failure.

It turns out I had a lot of ideas of what I wanted to be that basically fell outside of the realm of who I already was. I resisted what came naturally and fought to be something else entirely...

This story has a point: Part 1

2009-03-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

As a senior in high school, I only applied to one college. There was no doubt in my mind - I knew exactly where I wanted to go. The harder part was figuring out what to study. At this point in my life it probably would have been a good idea to do a little soul searching to really figure out what I liked and what I was good at. Instead, I put a check mark in the box that sounded the least UNinteresting to me: Journalism and Mass Communication.

I don’t remember thinking about my major over the next few months. I was just excited to be accepted to college. I dreamt about where I would live and who I would meet and whether I might find my future husband. Those things were much more critical to me at the time.

Early in the summer before I started college I received a letter asking me to confirm my major or select a new one. For about ten seconds I tried to imagine my life as a journalist and it just didn’t look right. I reread the list. I noticed biology. Then I remembered back to visiting a forensic crime lab on a job shadow day. That had been interesting. Ok, I decided, I’ll change my major to biology. And just like that it was done.

Thus began the hell that came to be known as my undergraduate studies. I loved my overall college experience, but classes were brutal.

By the time I realized I had seriously erred in choosing my major, I was half way done with it. Almost none of my science classes would count toward a non-science major and I wasn’t about to commit any extra time to correcting my mistake. So I pushed through my courses as fast as I could, avoiding studying as much as possible.

I finally graduated with a degree I was loath to use. And I had no idea what to do next…

Brief Update

2009-03-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

Right before my mom was diagnosed with cancer we took her out for a family photo shoot for her birthday. Because we were celebrating my mom, the photographer wanted to highlight her in a few shots.

I love this picture now even more than when I first saw it. Cancer is my mom's battle, but we're right behind her, supporting her however we can.

It seems like hardly any time has passed since she was diagnosed, but now here we are looking down the home stretch. Only four more chemo treatments to go, the last one scheduled for April 9. What a whirlwind it's been.

A Library Pearl

2009-03-04T23:59:00.000-08:00

Does anybody recognize this lovely lady on the left?

How about now?

Yesterday I got to attend a staff workshop with Nancy Pearl - the only librarian I know of who has an action figured fashioned after her. Perhaps you've heard her on NPR. Or perhaps you've perused one of her books looking for a good beach read. But have you hugged this woman? Yep, this is workshopping at its finest. Oh, and we also learned about reader's advisory.

Girl + Unpredictable Life = Chills

2009-03-02T13:10:00.000-08:00

I’m not really a go-with-the-flow, role-with-the-punches kind of gal. Instead, I would really rather be in control, know what to expect, and have the universe unfold according to my comprehensive ten year plan.

Subbing at other library branches basically goes against my nature. The whole process, from trying to find the secret staff entrance to deciphering how the collection is arranged, is rather unsettling when you prefer mastery of your surroundings.

Despite the fact that putting myself in these situations gives me that I’m-so-nervous-I-might-pee-my-pants feeling, I think stepping out of my comfort zone 4-8 hours each week is a good idea. In fact, learning to deal with variability seems to be the main theme in my life since we left Colorado.

Obviously it’s taking some time for the message to sink in. And while habit is begging me to take detailed notes, instinct is just shaking its head because that’s the first lesson: life isn’t a thing to be conquered...it's a thing to be lived.

Paranoia

2009-02-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

I’m happy to report I made it through our taxes! We had to file with the IRS, Colorado, Ohio, and locally. I’m now suffering from wrist stiffness and form fatigue, but I’m confident I’ll make a full recovery.

Every year, even after obsessively checking and rechecking my work, I’m always afraid I missed one heinously important note or transposed two grossly significant numbers. It would almost be a relief to get audited just so that I could finally know. I’d prepare some tea and crumpets for the auditor, she would applaud my meticulously organized files from the past five years, we’d crack tax jokes, she’d kindly point out my errors but assure me how easy they are for anyone to make, we’d walk through the steps I need to take to ensure such a thing never happens again, and then we’d hug goodbye and I would sleep soundly that night.

That’s ‘Plan A’, anyway. ‘Plan B’ is to buy Turbo Tax next year.

Wellness

2009-02-18T04:38:00.000-08:00

I've been able to pick up more hours at the library as a sub, which is great except for the fact that now I have hardly any time to bloggercise. But don't worry, I'm trying to rework the daily routine because I know how important blogging is for my health.

Speaking of health, Sam and I just had our cholesterol tested and despite our youth and vigor, apparently we both have room for improvement. Sam's LDL number was great, but he needs more of the good HDL. My HDL number was great, but my LDL is really high. However, after comparing numbers with almost everyone I work with, I have become a little suspicious of our results.

Turns out you're not supposed to eat anything for about 12 hours before having your blood drawn. Funny, because neither of our doctors - from two different clinics - mentioned this to us. Do you suppose eating a box of Mac-n-Cheese an hour before getting blood drawn might possibly skew the results? I think I want a re-do. In the meantime, at least I have the heart-healthy benefits of blogging back in my life.

The cancer antidote

2009-02-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

My mom’s body is beginning to feel the heavy tax chemotherapy charges. The main side effects are super fatigue and deep body aching. To a lesser degree she also experiences brain fuzziness, shot phobia, and general apprehension about the future.

The good news is that she has found a miracle drug that seems to take the edge off of every imaginable symptom. It’s called my dad.

He’s been an amazing helper to my mom since the moment she discovered she had cancer. He has tended to her diligently and lovingly, like a man who’s only purpose in this world is to heal the woman he loves.

While trying to sleep a few nights ago my mom felt such pain in her legs that all she could do was writhe and moan. My dad began to massage her legs to ease the pain and sing to her to soothe her soul. If you’ve ever heard my dad sing, you know this gesture was done more out of love than talent. And it worked. The pain didn’t disappear, but my mom’s spirit was restored.

I do a lot of reflecting on life to try to make sure I don’t miss any big lessons or messages I’m meant to understand. As I try to interpret my mom’s illness, I keep wondering if one of the messages she’ll uncover is that she is worthy of being loved this profoundly.

Striking someone down with a life threatening illness might not seem like the most logical way to teach someone of her worth, but it sure has allowed for some great opportunities for my mom’s friends and family to show her love in new ways. My mom has given so much of herself throughout her life. Now it’s time for her to receive.

Statehood Confusion Update

2009-02-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

I’m pleased to say I’m making progress from just a few days ago. I was reading an article that made a reference to Colorado, and I got that feeling of surprise deep in my brain wrinkles…similar to what I had just reported feeling toward mention of anything Ohio! I think this means the neurons are starting to fire.

This is not a paid endorsement

2009-01-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

You know how they say smell is one of the most powerful memory evoking senses? I think taste has got to be a close second. (Well, technically we might only be able to taste that which we can smell, so maybe they’re one in the same. Anyway, not my point.) Last night Sam and I bought a pizza from Papa John’s for dinner and a tidal wave of memories washed over me.

Growing up in a small town I had less access to more culturally refined experiences such as museums and orchestras and fine dining. But once I went off to college, I began to sample some of life’s finer offerings….like Papa John’s pizza.

I can’t remember when I tasted my first bite of fluffy crust heaven and I couldn’t tell you where I was when I discovered that golden garlic dipping sauce, but Papa John’s endeared itself to me my freshman year and soon became one of my favorite indulgences. Coincidentally, this is exactly when I began to fall in love with my husband, Sam.

Sam and I both lived in cramped lodgings that year so whenever I think back to eating the pizza, I always picture us in some amazingly uncomfortable situation, like hunched over a pizza box on a dorm floor or balancing a pizza box on our laps in an unmade twin size bed. Plus we were usually trying to be quiet, which always made me giggle uncontrollably.

This combination of fervid happiness has indwelt itself in my brain. Now every time I eat Papa John’s pizza it tastes like falling in love. Yum!

The cancer dance

2009-01-30T09:54:00.001-08:00

My mom had her first abdominal chemo treatment yesterday and so far all is well. She made sure to slosh the meds around with some professional hip swirls and periodic belly rotations. Die while I gyrate, mutant cells, die!

Deep freeze

2009-01-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

What do you know?! It’s snowing in Cleveland…again. My monster shoveling biceps are still recovering from the huge storm that just passed, and well, here we are again.

Because it feels like it’s been snowing every other day, and because people keep saying I should be used to it since I’m from Colorado, I decided to do some research.

First of all, this article explains why I feel like the snow has not let up. As of three days ago, it had already snowed 21 days in the month of January. After getting snow on the 28th, the 29th, and now today, the 30th, we’re up to snowfall on 24 out of 30 days. So I guess I was wrong. It hasn’t been snowing every other day, it’s been….well, a lot more.

Then I looked up some snowfall averages. According to weatherbase.com, Colorado Springs usually sees about 42” of snow per year, 5” of which come in January. Cleveland usually ends up with 55” annually, with 12” falling in January. We can already see that in an average year one would experience more snow in Cleveland than in Colorado Springs. But this hasn’t been an average year. Nope, in January alone Cleveland has already seen 42” of snow! Add that to October, November, and December and it just gets absurd.

Ok, I feel better now. I can go back to enjoying the season knowing that I don’t have snow delusions or weather amnesia.

All sales are final

2009-01-27T10:57:00.001-08:00

My mother now comes equipped with her own operational chemo port. She's sore and swollen today and she can't shower for a week, but other than that, well who can really think of much else when you've got that going on? She'll be back to work tomorrow and then more chemo on Thursday.

With all of these upgrades her value is really gonna sky rocket...even in this down economy.

Unexpected

2009-01-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

I guess I keep forgetting that we live in Ohio. It’s not like it ever slips my mind that we’ve left Colorado, it’s just that I continue to be caught off guard when I’m reminded that I now reside somewhere else.

It mostly happens when I overhear ordinary conversations - when people talk about where they went to high school or which highway had a traffic accident or which grocery stores have the best deals. My brain has patterned in some expected responses and when I hear something different, that’s when I find myself saying, "Oh yeah, I live in Ohio."

I’m sure my brain will catch up soon. In the meantime I can say that life is really full of surprises.

Confession is good for the soul

2009-01-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

I have a freak left armpit. My right armpit knows exactly when to perspire: 1) when it's hot and 2) when I exert myself. My left pit, however, does not seem to be governed by such rules. No, the left pit has gone rogue. It sweats whenever it wants, regardless of the inappropriateness of such an act.

I can be sitting perfectly still in a well air-conditioned room, for example, and all of the sudden, with no provocation, my left under arm decides to make a scene. The right arm and I pretend not to notice, going about our business, forbidding left arm to participate in any gesturing activity. All I can do is wait for left pit's little act of defiance to pass. And it always does. But not without leaving evidence.

There, now you know.

Updates

2009-01-21T11:12:00.001-08:00

Update 1) I'm sure it's obvious because I haven't mentioned it lately, but I'll be waiting until August to start my Master's program. That's just the way the library funding works. No hard feelings.

Update 2) My mom attended her first cancer support meeting last night. It sounds like it was very positive and helpful. The group will meet again next month.

Update 3) My mom will be getting an abdominal port surgically installed (is there a better word for that?) on Monday, January 26. It's an outpatient procedure so it should hopefully go smoothly. The scary thing is that now she'll have the chemo meds inserted (again, better word?) directly into her abdomen and they'll start increasing the frequency which may lead to her feeling pretty terrible. I'll let you know how it goes.

Winter shenanigans

2009-01-17T16:57:00.000-08:00

At this frigid time of year one of the best ways to warm up to the core is in a hot tub. If, however, you do not own one, you might want to see if your neighbors will invite you over for a dip. If they agree, you may, in your excitement, be tempted to change right into your swimming suit and run over to their house . I would recommend, however, taking an extra moment to put some warm winter clothes over your suit.

My Sam is a fish and he loves his water, and well, he just can't think beyond the swimming suit part. Ok, at least he remembered his shoes. Hmm, and the hat.

Bald is the new black

2009-01-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

Chemo has a lot of side effects, but it seems that losing hair is one of the most distressing for some. I have two theories as to why this may be.

1) I think it’s easier to imagine life is still normal and therefore within one’s grasp when the battle your body is waging is unseen. Messes can be washed up and medicines can be tucked away and things go on as they were. However, when evidence of the war moves to the outside of the body, one is made to face the frighteningly unknowable future.

OR

2) It might just have something to do with feeling freakishly out of sync with the fashion moguls.

This is all complete conjecture, of course, in the name of trying to understand my mom’s answer to the question:

How are you adjusting to being bald?

She said:

I love being bald and I wish it would come into style as a normal option for women. It's liberating to not have to color, cut, style, etc.

It's so hard to remember that I don't have hair… I chat with people and they don't say anything about it, so I don't even think about it.

I do feel like I get some looks, but it's not uncomfortable. One of the older men in my building said that every time he sees me with my little caps on, it reminds him of his wife who passed away from a brain tumor 5 years ago. Most people know somebody who has been through chemo, so I feel like I get knowing and compassionate looks. I smile at everybody who looks at me and I feel a responsibility to represent the disease well and not give cancer victims a bad name.

To me this sounds like someone who’s not afraid to live. My mom still wonders why she got cancer and she still worries about what’s ahead, but she’s confronting it bravely…with a smile and a hairdo that goes with anything.

Learning the hard way

2009-01-13T04:47:00.000-08:00

Before my mom was diagnosed with cancer I read several novels about people living with various forms of it. Despite how eloquently an author can describe life with cancer, part of me was naturally detached. I just couldn’t grasp people who could spout off six syllable medicine names or tell you the most scenic route to different wings of the hospital. Part of me didn’t want to understand. If you weren’t a doctor but were still in the know, it meant you learned the hard way.

Considering my mom seemed perfectly healthy just a few short months ago, it’s surreal to me that she now possesses such knowledge. She’s had so many veins tapped she can tell you where the best flow comes from or when a vein has gone hard. She can tell you about the costs of blood transfusions and extra night gowns. She now knows, first hand, what bile looks like outside of the body. Yep, she definitely acquired all of this knowledge the hard way.

Fortunately this is only part of the story. I started interviewing my mom so that I could hear the words of a journey that’s hard to understand. I’ll post her answers to some of my questions over the next few days, but I want to start where she left off. It seems that the more you come to know of the bad, the better you can understand the good. She said:

Today I woke up and stepped outside and just the first breath of fresh air that filled my lungs almost made me cry it felt so good and tasted so delicious. Some little things have become so magnified and delightful. It's kind of hard to explain. I guess I'm learning to stop and smell the flowers.

Lost in translation

2009-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

I like to think of us* librarians as information treasure hunters. On any given day I can get reference questions ranging from topics like running a small business to giraffe anatomy. I must then use my research powers to coerce answers from the universe. Trust me, it's that hard.

Sometimes, however, understanding the question can be more difficult than answering it. For example, you know how young children can have a difficult time pronouncing r's and l's and what should sound like "reading" sounds like "weeding" and "older" becomes "odor"? Well I had a sweet young boy come up to the reference desk yesterday looking for two movies..."saw one" and "saw two." Being the friendly and patient librarian that I am* I tried to help him sound it out.

Me: "I'm sorry, what was that? Sar?"

Boy: "No."

Me: "Sal?"

Boy: "No."

Boss, sitting next to me, asks boy: "Are you looking for Saw I and Saw II?"

Boy: "Yes."

Boss: "They're horror movies. Try searching the catalog under s-a-w."

Me: "Oh, right."

It turns out this sweet, innocent young boy did not have a speech impediment at all and in fact likes scary grownup movies. Yep, what I do is hard work.

*No, I'm not "technically" a librarian yet because I don't have my Master's, but it's virtually impossible to tell the difference based on appearances alone.

Redo

2009-01-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

Apparently I look a tad spooky in the last "new hairdo" picture I posted. And apparently the lighting is poor, resulting in few of the newly cut hairs actually showing up. And apparently it no longer reflects how I actually style my hair. So let's try that again, shall we?

Notice all of the snow on the rhododendrons behind me! We've already shoveled twice today, but you wouldn't guess it by looking at the two inches of fresh snow that lies there now. I love when it snows boat loads on days I don't have to go to work.

WHAT did I do?!

2009-01-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

Just kidding. I'm not freaked out that I just cut several years worth of hair growth form my head. Sounds so gross when you put it that way. I've been wanting a change for a long time, and while I was driving home from work yesterday, courage struck me.

Here's my boring, long, straight, boring hair before:

And here it is now:

Please excuse the pasty white skin. Ohio gets many fewer days of sunshine than Colorado. Anyway, I'm barely recognizable, right?

I'll be donating the leftovers to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program. They make free wigs for women who have lost their hair from chemo. If it didn't take about six times this much hair to make a wig, I could have just cut out the middle man and knit one together for my mom myself.

One day this clump of hair will be a fashionable faux do on someone else's head. Make me proud, little hairs.

Friends

2009-01-07T04:46:00.000-08:00

I think Sam and I made our first friends in Ohio! Two friends (who are married to each other so it’s really a twofer) in five months. Not bad. In fact, I’m downright pleased with this statistic considering how stacked the odds are against general friend making.

Childhood is friend heaven. You have hundreds, if not thousands, of potential friends crowded under one roof for most of your young existence. Parents even set up play dates! Working to make friends is virtually unheard of at this age.

And then if you move on to college, not only do you have the school proximity thing going for you, but now you all live within one square mile of each other. It’s nonstop friend hysteria!

But when you move out into the real world and do something like get a job, you’re exposed to many fewer people who live much farther away and who have rigid, jam-packed schedules who are lucky if they can stay awake until 10:00 anymore.

So given the tough friend market of adulthood, I think we can safely say victory is ours!

Happy '09!

2009-01-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

I love the beginning of a new year. The days are starting to get longer, spring will be here soon, and so many possibilities lay ahead. I've got a lot of plans for 2009 deo volente - God willing. First on the docket is to begin taking classes for my Master's degree. Depending on how exactly my employer's tuition reimbursement program works, I could be starting in two weeks or 8 months. I'll let you know how things work out.

In other news, my mom is officially starting to lose her hair from the chemo treatments. Chemo kills fast multiplying cells and apparently that's what hair follicles are. To prevent the shedding dog appearance throughout the house, my mom decided to shave her hair down to an easier to clean length. Here she is before the clipper:

And here she is after (posted with her permission, of course):

And here's a picture about a week after the haircut:

What a beautiful smile! And quite a cute noggin. She purchased several fashionable lady caps and is going wig shopping soon. She doesn't plan to wear a wig on a regular basis as she's heard they can get pretty uncomfortable, but there may just come those days when she wants to walk about town without being noticed.

Well I hope your new year is off to a good start. And if life throws you surprises, may they become epic adventures!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a wonderful, even white, Christmas. Ours was fabulous. My sister made it home safely, my mom was feeling relatively well, and I ate my weight in pumpkin pie and snickerdoodles. But my favorite part of Christmas? The part where the truth of my life comes back into perfect focus.

O Holy Night is my all-time favorite Christmas song – even the Kenny G version can rouse a tear or two. Here’s my favorite verse:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

It’s the perfect portrayal of my life before and after knowing Christ. I was desperately lost until in the depth of my pain, God called to me. And for once I turned toward him rather than away. All of the joy and the peace I have come to know since are a result of his deep love. I pray the gift of this holiday would heal you in the same way. Oh, and may you enjoy all of the whipped cream and hot chocolate you can stand. Merry Christmas!

Not too shabby

2008-12-16T03:58:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly my mom is still feeling pretty well after her chemo treatment from a week ago. She's been pretty tired, but no nausea or achyness to speak of. This can still change any day, especially as she gets more chemo, but for right now we're enjoying the reprieve.

And speaking of reprieves, Sam got to come home super early from work yesterday after a huge water pipe burst. Even though some downtown buildings were flooded and many were without water for most of the day, it was sitll a close call as to whether he'd be able to leave. Before they got the official word, Sam wrote me this email:

"Rumors are circulating that the Huntington Building may close, I am not getting too excited though. The wheels of capitalism must keep rolling, despite the workers’ needs to excrete and consume coffee. The means of production must go on, sanitation and health be damned."

The for-profit world is a harsh one.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2008-12-14T09:35:00.000-08:00

Ohio's climate continues to surprise me. The other day we had quite a winter rainstorm that melted all of the snow. And what was under that snow? Answer: Green grass.

First of all, Colorado is not likely to see rain in the winter (a combination of it being too dry and too cold), but if such an event were to occur, you certainly would not find green grass hidden beneath any snow. Brown, crunchy vegetative splotches perhaps. But not green grass.

You can even see a tree in the distance with leaves on it still! Amazing.

Last night Sam and I went to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular at a downtown Cleveland theater. Fun show. As we were driving home we discovered this Christmas gem on the radio. May it...uh...brighten your holidays as it did ours.

One down

2008-12-12T05:27:00.000-08:00

So far so good, emphasis on so far. Thanks to heaps of steroids, my mom had one of her best feeling days since her surgery. But we know this is temporary. I guess the chemo is supposed to really kick in some time tomorrow or Sunday. In the meantime, we've been errand running and cooking and sewing all day.

As we wait to see what tomorrow will hold, may I recommend this hilarious blog and this other hilarious blog? Let me know if you don't come close to wetting yourself. Seriously funny.

Bring on the cure

2008-12-11T05:55:00.000-08:00

My mom will begin her chemo treatment today. The doctor's gave her a huge book to read beforehand about chemo and the potential side effects. It was discouraging to say the least. Of course there are going to be a lot of side effects when you poison your body. But after reading the grim news for several days, she made a decision. She decided that she's not going to look at all of the potential bad to come; instead, she's going to focus on the long-term good. And thus was born her new mantra..."This is the cure."

So she's going to lose her hair and possibly some fingernails. This is the cure. So there might be a lot of pain ahead. This is the cure. So she might get a mean case of the hiccups during some treatments. Well, that one doesn't sound so bad, but still, This is the cure.

I'm sure there will be very hard days ahead, but I'm thankful my mom continues to find strength in herself, in her family, and in God. And so today begins the next chapter of her journey.

Tucked away

2008-12-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

My new place of work has this beautiful wall of windows that look out over a thick, beautiful forest of tall, skinny trees that go on an on and the windows are so tall they perfectly emphasize the height of the trees. The only problem with this amazing marriage of architecture and nature? The fact that the windows are locked in a staff room at the back of the library that never actually sees staff. Fortunately there are several other nice window areas as well. Just not as nice as this hidden one.

So thankful

2008-11-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

I heard a great sermon yesterday to cap off Thanksgiving. It was a simple reminder that while we can't always choose our circumstances, we always get to choose our response. We can choose to be bitter about small things or grateful despite awful things. It's all up to us. Brilliant.

On a not-so-hard-to-be-thankful note, today was my first day at my new job! Yeah, it's going to rock. I love libraries. And I love library benefits. I'm sure I'll expound on this more throughout my illustrious career. Please stay tuned.

As another aside, my mom is well on her way to recovering...at least from surgery. Chemo is still to come, but she's looking great right now and I'm just so darn thankful for that.

And while I'm thinking of things that make me thankful, I'm really thankful for all of you. What gifts you are, not only to me, but to all existence!

Ok, I think it's clear now that after a four-month work hiatus, today’s eight-hour workday turned my brain to moosh. It's time for me to go now. Goodnight.

Look who's back home!

2008-11-26T05:17:00.001-08:00

After a total of 15 days in two different hospitals, my mom is finally back home and is (at least for now) retiring this über stylish hospital clothing line. Let's hope her body is a little more cooperative from here on out.

Smashing good husband

2008-11-25T04:31:00.000-08:00

I'm a lucky lady. I told Sam how torn I was feeling between getting things done around the house and spending time with my mom at the hospital. Shockingly laundry does not stop accumulating and food does not replenish itself even when one has more important things to think about.

I was only hoping to vent for few minutes, but my fetching husband decided to surprise me by washing all of of laundry, doing all of the dishes, AND doing all of the grocery shopping - including the Thanksgiving list! All of this in addition to working full time and commuting a hefty distance at the beginning and end of each day. Yep, I'm a lucky lady.

Not ALL my nerves are shot

2008-11-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

After several days of steady recovery at home, we had to bring my mom back to the hospital when a mystery fluid began to fill her body cavity. The fluid was causing her a lot of pain and making it very difficult for her to breath. Now the doctors are wondering whether the blood thinner they've been giving her since surgery to prevent blood clots has been making it difficult for her lacerated liver to stop bleeding.

The fluid was successfully removed, so she's feeling better and staying positive, but I think I'm more guarded now. It's hard to celebrate the small things after witnessing several times now how deceiving progress can be. Hmm, maybe that's not the healthiest perspective, but I feel a little stuck in it right now.

Home at last

2008-11-17T06:05:00.001-08:00

My mom was finally released from the hospital, and not a moment too soon.

I can't tell you how many times doctors and nurses warned us about the disease ridden facility she was cooped up in. We thought it was a good thing that my mom got to stay in the ICU for an extra night right after her surgery so that she'd have extra attention, but then a medical passerby told us about all of the antibiotic-resistant microorganisms swarming around the place. I kept hearing things like, "People have the misconception that hospitals are very clean, but they're really the last place you want to be when you're sick or have an open wound." Oh, great. Thanks for the info.

Suffice it to say, we're glad her body finally started to behave so they could clear her for discharge.

A spot of good news

2008-11-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

I will now be rejoining society as one of its productive members. I got a job! The library I interviewed with two weeks ago just called yesterday and I’m in!

I know that God works in amazing ways...ways that we often don't understand until after the fact. I was getting antsy about finding a job, but now I’m thankful I was freed up to be at the hospital with my mom every day over this past week.

And speaking of my mom, she’s doing great right now. A few more weird reactions to medicine and what-not, but the doctors think she’ll be out of here in a day or two. Remind me to tell some of the freaky hospital stories later – once we’re far, far away.

Another Mom Update

2008-11-12T18:51:00.000-08:00

After several setbacks, my mom is recovering rather well from the surgery except for one thing...her digestive tract won't turn back on. I'm not sure why this is, but it's the only thing keeping her in the hospital now. And let me tell you, I'll be glad when she can leave. Hospitals are grim places.

In other news, I finally saw my mom's incision. I often pass out at the sight of gruesomeness and I only saw it because I happened to turn around at the wrong moment, but I was actually more impressed than queasy. The steel staples that hold the skin flaps together make her cut look like a dragon spine. Quite exotic.

Ok, I'll try to be back soon with more updates.

Second Mom Update

2008-11-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

It was scary to see my mom after her surgery. She was sent to the ICU because of a lot of bleeding and has been there for about 26 hours now, but she's finally doing much better. Aside from a few minor surprises, things have been moving along smoothly. She should be getting a room in the cancer wing as soon as one opens up and she'll stay there for about a week. So a lot of body healing to do, but she's already well under way. Thanks again for all of your concern!

First Mom Update

2008-11-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers and loving emails. My mom just got out of her four hour surgery. The doctor said everything went smoothly. He took out a lot of tumors, but says chemo will still be necessary. Ok, this thumb typing is rather difficult. I'll write more later.

GoBama!

2008-11-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

Congratulations, Mr. (soon to be) President!

Sidetracked

2008-11-04T17:58:00.001-08:00

I thought I was going to be writing about the election tonight (I am watching all of the exciting coverage right now), but life brings you new twists and your blog posts change accordingly.

Yesterday my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

I’m sure everyone who has ever known anyone with cancer would probably say it came as a shock, so let me just get this out there - I’m shocked.

My mom had been experiencing pain off and on for months without doctors being able to determine the cause. Just before the weekend she had a CT scan, and after half a day worth of additional tests yesterday, they finally found several large tumors. Unbelievably, surgery is already scheduled three days from now and chemo will be quick to follow.

In the short time my mom had to process all of this, and maybe because she’s been an analyst for a tad too long, she decided to make a list of Pros and Cons. I already new my mom rocked, but I didn’t realize she's actually an intergalactic super star! Here’s that list…

Pros:

I have a support system of people who love me and people I love
I have adequate health insurance
I have ample sick leave
I am always interested in a good test, challenge, journey
I will lose weight :)
I will have new (and possibly better) hair in a few months
I will participate in studies that may benefit others
I can only become a better person through this
My priorities will be reinforced, redirected
I am already meeting interesting people and I'm bound to meet many more
I'm not the first - many have gone down this path before me and I can benefit from their experiences
I would rather it be me than others who I love

The only thing she could come up with for the Con list was that she might disrupt the lives of those around her, but considering my dad is self employed and I'm still jobless, that's really a non-issue. I can’t help but think that if I were the one with cancer my Pro list would be a lot lighter and my Con list would be a lot heftier, but that’s why my mom’s just awesome.

Well, that's a lot for one evening. There are many unknowns ahead. The only one that I anticipate getting answered anytime soon is who the people have chosen to lead this free nation, and while this doesn't hold quite the weight for me that it did just 24 hours ago, it's a good start. Until tomorrow then...

Too close to call

2008-11-03T05:45:00.000-08:00

I’m so excited about the election tomorrow! I plan to kick back with some popcorn and watch news shows project the winner of each county and state for as long as I can stay awake. Sadly, I’m on the east coast and that means results for the west coast will be coming into the wee hours of my time zone.

This is like the mother of all reality shows. I’ve watched with rapt wonder through the elimination rounds, the teammate selection ceremonies, the dramatic accusations. Very intriguing.

I made sure to cast my vote early (and if the rules allowed, I would’ve texted in a dozen more). Now it’s time to watch in tense anticipation as one candidate moves into the lead, and then the other. I can’t wait to see how they wrap this show up.

Happy Halloween from Sam's Pumpkin

2008-10-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

Attack of the Leftovers

2008-10-30T05:35:00.000-07:00

I really dislike leftovers and try to avoid them for as long as possible. But eventually they begin to take over my refrigerator and I am forced to make room (and save money) by reheating them. This is an example of what the typical calamity of leftovers looks like...

Aside from the fact that I have a slight cling-warp overuse problem, you may notice that last night's dinner consisted of salad, baked beans, grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, green beans, spaghetti, and a pork chop (beginning to heat up in the oven). A more cunning person may have been able to combine these ingredients into a cohesive meal, but I don’t pretend that cooking is my strong point. The happy ending is that the adversary was conquered and no stomach was left unsatisfied.

I've got an interview!

2008-10-28T11:36:00.001-07:00

Finally. After months of submitting resumes to libraries. I have an interview. This Thursday.

Just preparing for interview questions gets me excited about libraries. I really like them. So I'll let you know how it goes when I hear back in 2-3 weeks. In the meantime, I've got a lot of freedom to enjoy.

On an unrelated note, I basically adore this picture of Sam:

Family

2008-10-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

My dad’s father died when my dad was about eight years old. As a result, he lost touch with most of that side of the family. A few days ago one of my dad’s uncles passed away and the two sides of the family were brought together again.

The family bond is definitely a strange thing. When my sister and I were in high school, we could get in the worst fights in the 4 minutes is took to drive to school. We’d stomp into the building, charge toward our separate lockers, and as soon as we ran back into each other before the first bell we’d be whispering gossip and begging to borrow each other’s clothes as though I hadn’t just cursed her and she hadn’t just thrown her boot at me. Nope, non-related people just wouldn’t tolerate such behavior.

It’s been years since my dad has seen some of his family and decades since he’s seen others, but because they are family, everyone just picks up where they left off. I like to think that family gives us an identity and lets us belong to something. Our roots are tied to theirs. Even when we don’t like our family, we still love them. Unless you had a genuinely awful family. In that case, I’m sorry for your loss.

My favorite in-laws

2008-10-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely time with Sam's parents for the past few days. It was so fun showing them the in's and out's of our new life. And they brought us kringle (a heavenly Danish pastry)!

Sam's family is definitely what we miss most about Colorado. But, as they say, you can't have the enchiladas without making a huge mess of your whole kitchen and cutting yourself on the lid in the process of opening the enchilada sauce can. Or is it that you can't have the whole enchilada without getting that pukey full feeling afterward?

Our decision to venture out has come at a price, but we're hoping it's a good investment.

Who would have guessed?

2008-10-20T04:42:00.000-07:00

OMG! My life has order! Without me realizing it, a routine has slowly been seeping into my life.

I wanted some kind of schedule and rhythm from the moment we arrived in Ohio, but it seemed impossible. Too many people to take into account, too many unknowns in each day, and a lack of knowing what I really wanted to get out of each day all contributed to a general feeling of madness. But last night I was thinking back over the day, and then the week, and then the month…and suddenly I saw it. Shape and form and beauty! What happiness!

In other good news, I finished the GRE with a score I'm happy about and Sam's parents are coming to visit tomorrow. Life is just cruising along.

The best things I've found in October...so far

2008-10-16T17:33:00.001-07:00

The amazing variety of colors and shapes of the fall leaves. Brilliant!

Plus, how cool is this?! A heart shaped leaf! That's better than a four-leaf clover.

Fun things to do in Cleveland in the fall:

2008-10-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

- Ride a tractor-pulled wagon to the orchards and pick apples

- Drive out to the country to see the historic covered bridges

- Pick up fresh food for dinner from the West Side Market

Sophistication

2008-10-08T12:25:00.001-07:00

I think our big move is starting to work…I think we’re becoming world wise! Well, maybe it has less to do with moving and more to do with simply trying new things, but either way we’re marking a lot of things off the life to-do list.

Last weekend Sam went sailboat racing with a friend from work. He’s going again this weekend as the yacht club wraps up the season. Last night we attended our first waltz lesson. I must say, Sam’s got moves! And, because I work the least in our household (i.e., not at all), I’ve been cooking like crazy. So far every meal I’ve made has contained an entrée and at least one side. That’s major progress for me. Oh, and on a walk today I passed a house with a pear tree, so now I know what those look like!

What can I say? We’ve practically conquered the world.

Unlocking the secrets of the GRE

2008-10-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

I happen to be studying for the GRE these days so that down the road I'll be able to get into graduate school...and quite frankly I'm a little shocked. So far I've learned that you must possess an exquisitely rare vocabulary to have the best chance of winning the verbal portion. If this vocabulary is beyond your grasp, you may be able to scrape by if you happen to know nearly every suffix, prefix, and root used in the English language. In my case, I'm just going to try to impress the test machine with my short-term memorization powers.

Now what goodies does the math review have in store for me?

Existence

2008-09-30T05:42:00.003-07:00

I think the reasons we humans exist are far beyond our capacity to comprehend. But I like to theorize on the subject anyway.

I’ve heard it said that humans are a result of God’s joy. This got me thinking - what if our existence was less of a conscious thought (though still not accidental) and more of a reaction? Like maybe when God laughs, the laugh takes the shape of a wisp of human being. Not like milk that comes shooting out of his nose when he hears a good joke, but maybe God-laughter is the essence of a soul. And maybe a yawn looks like the Red Wood Forrest. And, ok, maybe if things do come shooting out of God’s nose, they look like whales.

Hmmm. But who can really say for sure?

Last minute fun

2008-09-25T05:31:00.001-07:00

Just before Sam started his new job we took a quick trip to Wisconsin to visit his grandparents. Here’s a cute picture of them near the lighthouse.

We also visited the Cleveland Zoo while we had some free time. Hmm, hanging out with caged animals right before Sam started his new job. Is that foreshadowing? : )

Joie de vivre

2008-09-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

So, Sam has a job now. After a few wonderful months of time off, he’ll now be working with a big architecture firm right downtown. This isn’t like Colorado Springs’s downtown. Sam will be working on the 19th floor (not the highest floor of his building), which is several stories higher than the current tallest building in Colorado Springs. This also means parking is not included with employment, so he’ll be taking the train to work. That sounds so big-city to me. Commuting will definitely be a big change from the 2 ½ block walk he used to have. Just another change among many – I think we’re becoming “worldly.”

Friendship

2008-09-07T11:19:00.000-07:00

I love the old story of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry. If you don’t have time to read the whole book, I recommend at least reading Chapter 21. It offers beautiful insight into the important things in life (which come across more profoundly if you imagine the fox speaking with a French accent).

Yahtzee as life

2008-08-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

I know I’m learning something right now, I’m just not sure what it is yet. We’ve picked up all of the pieces of our lives, shaken them up, and flung them back down like dice to see what might happen. With all of this chaos and confusion there are bound to be lessons, but I think we’re a little too much in the mix to see what they are right now. I do have one lead, though – something to do with control-freakism – and it isn’t pretty.

Fortunately there are lots of fun distractions from personal growth. Last week we spent a day at the beach and we just got back from a trip to Washington DC. The weather has been my favorite (lots of rain and cloud cover) and I’m getting ready to enjoy a memorable lunch. Like the ever-cheery clothing brand says, life is good.

Here's a picture of one of our favorite sites in DC, the Jefferson Memorial on the Potomac River.

Update - Good prevails again

2008-08-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

I’m amazed! All of the library books that were stolen from our car a few months ago were returned! Apparently our criminal was a conscientious citizen after all. I wonder if I should be expecting a check in the mail to cover the cost of the window repair…

Update - Over the weekend

2008-08-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we enjoyed some of the most amazing food I’ve ever tasted at the “Feast of Assumption” Italian festival. From what I can remember (I think I was experiencing a grease haze), we had huge meatballs, sausage, fried eggplant, tiramisu, cannoli, and a funnel-cake-ish thing called an elephant ear. The festival took place in Little Italy, one of the most beautiful suburbs of Cleveland. It’s pretty huge with as many as 100,000 people attending over four days.
And yesterday we tried out a church near the house for the first time. I loved the music and the sermon was pretty good. It’s a much smaller church than we went to in Colorado Springs, but I feel like we’re all about change right now, so I think we’ll give it a go for a while. I hope you all had wonderful weekends!

Update - Sister

2008-08-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

My sister Lauren was home from Chicago for a long weekend and we got to celebrate her birthday. I had an amazing time hanging out with the whole family. My favorite part was lying on the bed with Lauren just talking about life. Here’s a picture we took right before Laur had to leave.

Update - Busy days

2008-08-08T06:08:00.000-07:00

You know you’re on vacation mode when taking a shower can be checked off your to-do list as though it was a major accomplishment of the day. In addition to looking for work and keeping clean, we’re also in hot pursuit of a used chest of drawers. We’ve already checked out a few consignment stores and we hit up a bunch of Thursday morning garage sales. We didn’t see much, but I definitely recommend garage sale hopping if you move and need to acquaint yourself with a new area. Brilliant!

Update - Finding Work

2008-08-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

I’m getting a little résuméd out. I’ve applied for a lot of positions, but I haven’t exactly been qualified for most of them. I was figuring it couldn’t hurt to just apply for everything, but I’m starting to get application fatigue. Maybe I’ll just stick to library positions that are a little more in line with what I actually know how to do. Then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Fortunately I’m not in any huge hurry.

On a brighter note, Sam already has two interviews lined up! Sam’s not in much of a rush either, so he’s going to try to find a firm that shares more of his architectural philosophy. He’s quite an outside-of-the-box thinker, so I’ll let you know how that goes : )

Update - A New Home

2008-08-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

We made it to Ohio! It was a long, but totally successful trip. We ended up going with the 5’x8’ trailer and pulled it with our ’98 Chevy Lumina. This was the much cheaper, less certain option compared to renting a truck and pulling our car. So here are the trip stats...

Left Colorado Springs: Thursday, July 31, 5:00 AM
Arrived in Chicago and stayed with my sister: Friday, August 1, 3:00 PM
Arrived in Cleveland: Saturday, August 2 at 7:30 PM

Traveled: 1,500 miles
Spent: $1,120 on U-Haul rentals, gas, and one hotel stay
Ate: Thousands of calories worth of road-trip food
Maximum speed: 65 mph (downhill)
Hauled: 220 cubic feet of goods
Broke down: Never
Used air conditioning: Almost never
Sweated: Gallons

Like I said, very successful.

Here's a picture of the rig...

I'll keep you posted as we begin to settle in.

Update - Saying Goodbye

2008-07-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

Life has been a whirlwind lately! Last weekend we enjoyed a wonderful picnic with lots of Sam's family. Here's a picture of some of Sam's all time favorite men:

Then we enjoyed a strenuous hiking/camping trip in the Snowmass area. This was such a great way to see some of the best sites in Colorado. Here's what we woke up to each morning:

So now I guess that just leaves packing. Back to work...

Update - Farewell

2008-07-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the amazing people I've worked with for the last few years! I'll miss you all so much! Arrivederci!

Slightly blurry shot of Penrose Adult Services.

The fabulous Teen Team

Update - The Departed

2008-07-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

I can’t even believe tomorrow is my last day of work! It felt so far off for so long that I could almost imagine that we weren’t really leaving. But now there’s no denying the fact. I am most of the way through my “termination” paperwork. As a coworker told me, I will soon be “dead to the library.” I feel confident she meant that figuratively.

Miscellaneous - Glenwood Vacation

2008-07-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

We had a great time in Glenwood Springs last weekend! Sam's family has a tradition of vacationing here every year - I hope we can keep it up!

Update - Countdown

2008-07-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

All that stands between me and self-induced unemployment is 56 more hours of work! The three years I’ve worked for the library have gone by in a blink.

This has been an amazing job! I’ve been lucky enough to work in a cool industry in the perfect location with wonderful coworkers and a great boss to boot. I feel sort of nuts for leaving. I feel a little more nuts for trading Colorado for Ohio. But what I feel the most can be captured in this amazing excerpt from the book Driving Mr. Albert (thanks, Cindy, for the recommendation):

“Desire is a tricky thing. It can change a quick outing to the store for milk into a lifelong, shoeless quest through the Himalayas in search of enlightenment.”

So here Sam and I are – on the brink of the future that will take us God only knows where! Ok, I admit it, I'm finally getting really excited!

Reverie – Kitchen confessions

2008-06-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

If you want to really get to know a person, I think you should observe him or her in the kitchen. You simply can’t hide who you are when it comes to cookery.

Example 1: A detailed, perfectionistic, in-the-box thinking culinarian will not...

venture out from tried and true recipes
be okay with substituting ingredients
ever really be happy with the end result

Example 2: On the other hand, an artistic, resourceful, easygoing chef will...

never be able to recreate the exact same dish twice
be pleased with nearly any outcome
rock your socks off with amazing culinary delights

This is my theory, anyway, after observing the way Sam (Example 2) and I (Example 1) completely differ in cooking styles. I suggest you ask someone you know to create a meal for you to test this theory. If I’m dead wrong, well at least you won’t be hungry for a few more hours.

Update – Pack it in, pack it out

2008-06-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

Right now we’re trying to figure out the best way to haul our stuff out to Ohio. This is a daunting task. The good news is that we currently live in a 400 square foot apartment. The bad news is that you can squeeze a surprisingly large amount of crap into 400 square feet and still live comfortably.

We’re right on the cusp of being able to pull a trailer or needing a truck. If we rent the truck and pull our car, we only get about 60 more cubic feet of packing space, but we increase our cost three fold! I’m so eager to get everything to fit in the trailer that I’m tempted to just throw everything out – clothes, dishes, bedding, everything! But, then I realize that we’d have to buy these things from scratch out in Ohio and then there goes that brilliant savings plan. So I guess I’ll just try to summon any packing powers I possess. When we unpack boxes in Ohio, it will look like Mary Poppins pulling a coffee table out of a small handbag. Well, let’s hope anyway.

Update - Burgled

2008-06-17T07:09:00.001-07:00

As some of you know, our car was broken into a few weeks ago. The back window was smashed out and the only thing that was stolen was my work bookbag. All I had in the bag, to the chagrin of the thief I’m sure, was library books - teen library books! I continue to hold out hope that the thief either has lots of kids who are now benefiting from improved literacy, or that when he finishes reading them all, including the appropriate non-fiction book titled Thieves, he will act responsibly and drop them in his closest bookdrop. The window is now fixed and my bag has been replaced, but the books are still, as of yet, unaccounted for.

Reverie - Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

It may seem obvious to most, but being a dad is a huge job! People say that your relationship with your father not only impacts in some way all of your subsequent relationships, but also your impression of God. That’s gigantic responsibility!

I have amazing fathers in my life…my dad, my father-in-law, and two grandfathers-in-law. Lots of people aren’t even lucky enough to have one great dad and I have four! Thanks to all of you for contributing to Sam’s and my (mostly) well-adjusted adulthoods. You guys rock!

Reverie - Refocused

2008-06-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

When you title your blog something as lofty as “If today had a point, it might be…” it becomes somewhat taxing to come up with subject matter that measures up. But, because trying to find meaning in each day is worthwhile, I won’t give up quite yet.

On the other hand, I do have one tidbit to share that is not life altering, but somewhat interesting. I was recently visiting family in Wisconsin and I was reminded that the Madison Zoo does not charge admission! I’m so used to paying exorbitant prices to view imprisoned animals – who would have guessed that some cities let you do that for free? But one of the most interesting things about visiting the Madison zoo is that they have buffalo and prairie dogs – two animals we take for granted in Colorado. I felt ripped off in a way, despite not having to pay admission.

But as prevalent as prairie dogs are in Colorado, I actually ended up taking a picture of one of the little guys. Maybe it’s a way to pay homage to the poor little critter I accidentally hit when I first got my driver’s license. I can’t even explain the horror of that day. So, little prairie dog, we acknowledge you!

Okay, better luck on deep insight next time around.

Reverie - Quote

2008-06-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

A great quote I came across today:

"I like a plastic bag and a bottle of water as much as the next self-involved me monkey, but it takes 430,000 gallons of oil to manufacture 100,000,000 grocery bags, and if I were capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic I'd say - well, who are we kidding? I'm not capable of doing even the most basic arithmetic - just know that we're in great danger of making Al Gore really, really mad." (From an article in O Magazine by Lisa Kogan)

Update - Calorie Counting

2008-06-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've got a few pounds on my rear that are pretty stubborn. I try to do rear-specific workouts, but they resist my efforts. So I've summoned the aid of my diet to help combat the little pests.

Honestly, I really don't eat healthy at all. I don't choose great foods and I indulge way too much. So I figure by simply cutting out some of the less good-for-me calories and reducing the intake, I might make a little more progress. Simple, I know. And keeping track of my calories has actually been kind of fun (for the two whole days I've done it). It feels like maintaining a financial budget. You have this much to spend every day, so choose wisely.

We'll see how it goes!

Update - Wrapping up the jobs

2008-05-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sam and I have given our current employers notice that we're leaving, so now it's like really official. We'll both be done working by July 11 so that we have time to see people and places before we venture out.

Then the plan is to leave for Ohio when our apartment lease is up at the end of July. That used to seem like such a long time away, but now it feels like the end is bearing down on us fast. I guess starting life over from scratch is like pulling off a band-aid...the faster the better. : )

Reverie - More "Why Ohio"

2008-05-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

This ties into Reason #5 from the last post. After all of the good, concrete reasons for moving to Ohio, there's still this indescribable feeling that we should just do it.

I'm really not a movie junkie...despite the disproportionately large number of references to movies so far. That being said, one of the most profound insights came to me recently from the movie Evan Almighty. God (Morgan Freeman) explains how prayer works by saying:

"If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prays for courage, does God give him courage or does he give him the opportunity to be courageous? If someone prayed for his family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

Great questions to ponder. And considering that Sam and I have been praying a lot about growing character and being used where God is already at work, it's quite possible that God is prompting us in this direction as a result. We'll see, I guess. ; )

Update - Why Ohio?

2008-05-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the reasons we are going to give Ohio a shot:

1. I have a lot of family that lives there. We probably never would have considered living in Ohio otherwise. But Sam has a ton of amazing family in Colorado, so family isn't the only reason we're making the move.

2. There are great library opportunities in Ohio - school wise and employment wise. The Cuyahoga County Library District, the district I would love to work for, is rated the best in the nation for the size population is serves. Plus they pay great!

3. There are potentially cool architectural opportunities in Ohio. Cleveland is in the process of majorly redeveloping and Sam could learn a lot about rejuvenating a city. There are also some great architectural schools, too.

4. We have lived in Colorado for most of our lives, so this will be a good chance to break out of our comfort zone and try something new. Anything challenging is character developing, so we might just become better people after all of this!

5. Finally, there's just this gut thing. Despite all reasoning for or against, we just feel led.

Labels

2008-05-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize that some of you will be far less interested in the personal reflection component of this blog than in actual updates. So in an effort to preserve you from unwanted introspection, I am going to label each post with the word "Update" or "Reverie". I hope this helps ; )

Small Themes

2008-05-27T15:41:00.000-07:00

From time to time I notice a common thread weaving through all aspects of my life. I call this a "theme". A single concept begins to appear in my work, my relationships, the books I read...everywhere!

"Themes" make me think of the movie Stranger Than Fiction with Will Farrell. Will's life is the creation of a prolific author. As the author writes the story of his life (and imminent death), Will begins to hear her narration, as upsetting as it turns out to be.

I think a "theme" is our author giving us valuable insight. A lot of times I pray for revelation about things in my life - What should I do at this crossroad? What areas of my life need improvement? What the heck is the point of this crap situation? Then, sticking with the textile metaphor from above, I wait for the answers to be knit into the fabric of my life.

Unfortunately, we can be pretty dense - it may take many attempts to help us get the message. In the movie Bruce Almighty (I know...movies...what deep founts of insight), Jim Carey's character is driving down a road while he begs God for answers, for signs. He passes an ominous looking "Caution Ahead" sign. A truck full of signs saying "Wrong Way" and "Caution" and "Stop" pulls right out in front of him. Finally, Jim wrecks his car rather than heeding the numerous warnings. The point is that God is talking to us, but we usually aren't listening.

So now when I notice the same message slip into my life over and over in different ways, I try to decipher the "theme" which I assume is an answer to a question I have or have not yet asked.

Getting Started

2008-05-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

I don't think today was an accident. Not one moment of it. Not even the part where I "accidentally" saved over that super important file and lost it forever into cyber oblivion.

I think each moment has meaning and significance. The hard part is trying to figure out what that meaning might be. So this blog will be a place to process all of the little daily details, that when all rolled together, we come to know as life. And because Sam and I are about to leave all of the friends and family and comfort we have come to know thus far, this will also be a place to update people on life after Colorado - as if such a thing exists ; )